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Help me remember...

Thursday 24th October

It’s nearly 10 pm and you are sleeping deeply. As I sit close by your hospital bed I can see your heart beating via the port which you had operated in place today. It has been a long day for both of us. We have both cried a lot. You asked me to help you to remember today. You knew it was going to be a long day.


Today was tough. You cried a lot, you slept a lot and you laughed in between. Today you learned about ‘Super Snöret’. This super string will become your diary, a recording of your unique journey thru beads. These are powerful beads, hope & courage & bravery medals. You started threading your beads for what you have gone thru since Tuesday. You planned eagerly for the beads you knew you would earn today… You will seldom be eager to earn more beads after today.

You have been so brave that even the OR nurses were impressed. Pappa went with you and held your hand while you fell asleep. They gave you ‘warm fuzzy medicine’ before you slept but you did not think it was warm and fuzzy rather the opposite.
Two times bone marrow was removed from you, your back & spine. And then a very special button was placed under your skin on your chest.


You had a hard time waking up afterwards & vomited a bit too much so you were given some extra medication. Both Mamma and Pappa stayed with you until you woke. Then you told Pappa you loved him and he went home to get the kids so they could come give you hugs. You really wanted hugs. I followed you to the big xray machine so the Dr’s could check your new button. I hope you don’t remember this part tomorrow. It was hard for you, me & the nurses. But now we know that your button (port) is perfectly placed!

Suddenly you had to pee with a vengeance. Everyone worked quickly to get you to your room so you could pee. As soon as we got you up and in the doorway of the bathroom your threw up, a lot! All over the floor. And you got really sad and kept apologizing to the nurses. But no one cares how much mess you make here. And you managed to pee more than I thought any one could pee at one time.
Once you were back in bed you slept awhile. I tried to coax you to wake and drink. You had two sips of apple juice and vomited again. Then you cried, then I cried. You slept some more. The Dr sent another stronger medicine for the nausea and they told you that it would make you very sleepy. But you wanted to be awake to hug Pappa & the kids so you toughed it out. Just as your Dr came to see you Pappa and the kids arrived too. So we all got to hear together that they found no cancer cells in your spinal fluid. This is a very big deal! We all asked lots of questions. The overwhelming amount of information made us all tired. You wanted to sleep and asked for the special medicin so you would not feel nauseous or vomit any more, the sleepy medicine that you said no to earlier.

Tomorrow we will start your chemotherapy. You just weren’t up to it today. Tomorrow will be worse than today. You don’t know that yet.
You do know that when your hair falls out you want a wig, preferably rainbow colored!
Mamma

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